Of the Heart
by asparagus
Summary: *Friendship/Slash* Love has various forms. Of the body, there's eros, while with friends, philo. But, a love that forfeits all for one...that is agape.
1. Philo

Title: Philo  
Author: asparagus  
Email: asparagus@iamwasted.com  
Rating: G  
Summary: The love of friends...  
Disclaimer: I do not own the Lord of the Rings - the novels, movie, merchandise, characters, or plotline. In no way whatsoever am I profiting from this fictional piece - unless it's an ego boost from any comments you people deem worthy of sending my way.   
Author's Note: This is the first of three-parts that I call "Of the Heart" for lack of a better title. One can consider "Hunter" as a prelude and offer his comments or suggestions. I am open to both.  
  
Philo  
  
*****  
  
"A friend is one who knows you and loves you just the same."   
- Elbert Hubbard   
  
*****  
  
"Stupid dwarf."  
  
"Crazy elf."  
  
The golden-haired one just tossed his head haughtily, but azure orbs sparkled as pursed lips twitched suspiciously. Then, musical laughter cut through the silence. A gruff chuckle followed it soon enough. Their mirth faded with the winds that blew past them yet their lips remained turned up at the corners. Together, the strange pair trudged through the sloping expanse of rough stone and verdant green undergrowth.  
  
Sharp sight studied the sky thoughtfully before turning to look about at the isolated landscape. Searching for danger that went unfound, the keen eyes settled upon the shorter form that marched at his side. Under the intense inspection, warm brown warily peered up despite the bright sunlight to meet curious blue. Raising a brow, the dwarf spoke.  
  
"What is it, Elf?"  
  
"Nothing..." Legolas replied lightly.  
  
"Elves...craziest creatures I know..."  
  
The dwarf snorted as he muttered under his breath, not stopping his steady stride.  
  
"...Dwarf."  
  
"What, Elf?"  
  
"What are we?"  
  
Brown orbs looked at the other as if suspicions had been confirmed. Another snort.  
  
"A dwarf and an elf. Even I don't have to live for centuries to know that, Elf."  
  
"I know that."  
  
The shorter person looked up at the other in obvious disbelief.   
  
"Sure you do."  
  
Brushing back a stray strand of gold, the elf explained himself.  
  
"What I meant to say was that - "  
  
"For all your years, you're daft."  
  
Earlier on, that comment would have been enough to start a furious debate that would begin with the trivial remark and wind down to ancestry and old family feuds. Now, however, the elf just smiled in amusement and continued alongside his short companion.  
  
"No. I meant to ask what you thought of the two of us."  
  
Suddenly self-conscious, the elf fell silent and warily watched the other's face for a reaction. The dwarf's initial one was to blink up at the elf and then look down at the ground as they walked on. After some time, he simply shrugged.  
  
"That's not much of answer," Legolas casually remarked.  
  
"Well, what would you have me say, Elf?"  
  
"I don't know." A sudden frown appeared on the pale face.  
  
"Hn. You asked me what I thought. Now, what do you - an ancient, and so supposedly wiser, one - think of us?"  
  
"Frankly...I'm not sure. I've been trying to figure it out."  
  
"Ha. It's hard to believe that an elf would find a dwarf worthy of his time and thought."  
  
"Oh, but you're an unusual dwarf," Legolas said absentmindedly.  
  
It was obvious that he was deep in thought, searching for an answer to his own question.  
  
"Is that so? I've been called stupid, but never unusual."  
  
"I think it's the first that makes you the second."  
  
The dwarf mock-scowled at the elf's impish smile.  
  
"So, what conclusion have you reached, o wise one?"  
  
Brown eyes looked back at the elf after a few moments. The clouded look of the other cleared and brightened as they looked down on the other. Raising his head high, the elf smiled in a superior manner that he used just to aggravate the short dwarf.  
  
"O wise one," Legolas repeated, rolling the words on his tongue. "Hm...I like that. ...From now on, you shall have the privilege of addressing me as such."  
  
"You go ahead of your supposed greatness. Do you have the answer?"  
  
"Ah, the answer to our riddle...of course."  
  
"You're riddle. I don't waste my time with such worthless thoughts."  
  
With an indignant sniff, the elf crossed his arms and quickened his pace. The dwarf just rolled his eyes, knowing full well that not a minute would pass before the elf looked back to check on him. He was not disappointed.  
  
"I don't know why I put up with you," Legolas said with the air of a long-suffering martyr.  
  
"Ditto," the dwarf noted.  
  
"While it's not worth -my- time to impart such knowledge on one such as you..." A martyr's sigh. "I shall do so."  
  
"Get to it before I fall asleep on my feet."  
  
"Hmph. Such ingratitude. ...So, I did the logical thing of crossing out what we -couldn't- be first. We aren't - "  
  
"I know what we aren't," Gimli cut in. "Get to what we are already."  
  
"Such impatience." Legolas looked to the heavens beseechingly. "Why am I burdened with him?"  
  
"I could ask the same thing. Now, get to it."  
  
"Fine, fine. First of all, we are - as you already pointed out - a dwarf and an elf. We also are two of the Nine Walkers, also known as the Fellowship of the Ring. That would make us both comrades in arms and warriors. We're also an axeman and an archer - though I do consider myself a dashing good rear guard -and- a wicked watchman."  
  
"Get to the point."  
  
"Hmph."   
  
The elf crossed his arms across his chest as if insulted. When the dwarf saw that the other wouldn't give in again, he muttered an apology.  
  
"What was that? I didn't hear it."  
  
"I'm bloody sorry." In a lower voice. "Wicked watchman indeed..."  
  
"In that case, I shall continue."  
  
"And you better end soon. The sun's setting. We'll make camp soon."  
  
"Well, considering numerous situations that have put us in danger and forced us to trust each other - "  
  
The elf abruptly cut off his fast-spoken repartee. The light banter in his words had left just as suddenly. Face flushed, he turned away as he finally finished in nonchalant tone.  
  
"I suppose I could call you a friend."  
  
After a moment's pause, the elf couldn't help but look back at the one beside him. If he noticed the other's gaze this time, the dwarf showed no sign of it. Then, he looked up.  
  
"That's strange," Gimli noted with the same nonchalance. "I think the same thing of a crazy elf I know."  
  
The elf's solemn face abruptly broke in a smile as his eyes shone.  
  
"Stupid dwarf."  
  
"Crazy elf." 


	2. Eros

Title: Eros  
Author: asparagus  
Email: asparagus@iamwasted.com  
Rating: PG13  
Summary: The love that is relief...  
Spoilers: "Hunter" and "The Return of the King"  
Warnings: Slash (E/L, A/L), Angst  
Disclaimer: I do not own the Lord of the Rings - the novels, movie, merchandise, characters, or plotline. In no way whatsoever am I profiting from this fictional piece - unless it's an ego boost from any comments you people deem worthy of sending my way.   
  
Eros  
  
*****  
  
"Immature love says: 'I love you because I need you.' Mature love says 'I need you because I love you.'"   
-Erich Fromm   
  
*****  
  
Azure orbs shone in the shadows with a light to rival that of the moon above. The pair roved over a chiseled face as if to memorize each facet of it. The grey eyes were closed in sleep, but the life of their owner still shown noble through the weariness.  
  
Noble, yet not arrogant. In this man's veins ran the blood of his kindred, the blood of kings. Despite the obstacles, he had regained his rightful throne and was to be crowned in the days to come. But, a king needed a queen and the other knew who it would be.  
  
He had shared the man's bed in the past and in the present, but there would be no future for him there. The man himself didn't know it, but there was only one for him - and it was the Evenstar. She had surrendered to the man both her heart and immortality and with them the necklace about the man's neck. The other wondered if the man realized that he'd never removed the necklace even when he slept in the other's arms. That alone told the other what he needed to know. Still, the golden-haired elf slept at the man's side.   
  
He had thought it to be love at first. It was not hard to fall for the man for he had a type of nobility that the elf had found in only one other. But, the respect that nobleness earned from others was the only other similarity in this man and another. The man was... Well, human. He had the passions and imperfections of one. He loved his betrothed, but he was still a man. He had a man's needs and moments of self-doubt.  
  
So, it happened that when the burden of leadership had borne too heavily on him he had turned to a friend. He had gone to the one who reminded him of the Evenstar...peace...and all that he strove to save. It began when Gandalf fell at Moira and continued on after Boromir's death until now.   
  
But, it would end tonight.  
  
With the morning's sun would come the Evenstar and the end of their affair. That was just how things had to be. A part of him had known - even when he had thought it was love - that it could never be. Too much stood in between them.  
  
Perhaps if there had been real love, it would have been different. They might have fought for it and even won. But, Aragorn loved Arwen and he...he did not know.   
  
He had always thought that there would be only one for him. He had loved the Lord of Rivendell with all of his eternal being and yet... Somewhere along the path, he had changed.   
  
He had grown to know different people of different cultures and races. Maia...dwarf...hobbit...man... He had developed feelings he had never felt in the past...accepted as true things he had never believed in...countered things he had thought as right...and grown to care for those he had turned his back on before. Now, he had a dwarf for a friend...and a man as his lover. How things had changed.  
  
But, some things would always stay the same.   
  
He would still stand for what he had fought for...peace, freedom for all...and yes, love. That part of his youthful idealism still remained though the rest had left him with past prejudices. He had seen much and changed much, but he was still the same at the core. He was still Legolas, son of Thranduil. The wanderlust had waned, but Mirkwood's kingship was still not for him. He could not stand to be bound to its forest realm forever despite all its beauty. That was not for him. He still felt that need to wander ever so often. He did not know if it would ever leave him. Perhaps he might linger at a certain place if persuaded, but...  
  
The elf was confused. He was unsure of his feelings for his former lover. And if he was sure and returned to the other...would Elrond want him still? Out of love, the High-Lord had released him from the vows they'd made. He'd freed Legolas' heart, yet would he truly feel the same after such a betrayal?  
  
Legolas closed his eyes at the thought. It pained him to think of it. The hurt...the rejection... He could imagine the other's thoughts of his affair. To bed the betrothed of the other's daughter - was that not beyond contempt?  
  
When he felt the coolness on his cheek, he touched it and tasted the saltiness of his tears. It seemed that his contact with man had gone so far as to teach him of tears. He had shed them in pleasure of Aragorn's companionship and now it seemed he shed them in pain of Elrond's certain rejection of him.  
  
After all this time...it seemed that he'd held true after all.  
  
He still loved the other, but would the other feel the same? Legolas was certain that he would not. But, he forced those thoughts from himself as he considered once more the man that lay at his side.  
  
He knew that Aragorn was destined to wed Arwen. She was meant to stand at the man's side as his queen and sleep at his side to bear his heirs. For that and the future of Gondor, Legolas would celebrate their union with a light heart. He could not stand in between them when he loved them both.   
  
Now, he would just have to let Aragorn see that for the man would doubt himself and his worthiness of Arwen. He would see their affair as a betrayal of Arwen's trust, but Legolas knew that if Arwen ever discovered it she would understand.  
  
The Evenstar had always known the man's doubts. She had confided as much to Legolas before the Fellowship's departure from Rivendell so long ago. She had sought to soothe the man's fears with her love, but still he refused to release them. In time, perhaps she would succeed. But, when morning came, it would be Legolas who would have to speak to the man. He had to show him that what they had was nothing but a shared need for comfort.  
  
Yes, he would make the man see the truth.  
  
Even if he had lost his own love for all of eternity, he would see that this man would have his for his fleeting lifetime. Already, the man stirred in his sleep. Outside, the sun began its slow ascent. Soon, the dawn would be upon them.  
  
"Aragorn..." 


	3. Agape

Title: Agape  
  
Author: asparagus  
  
Email: asparagus@iamwasted.com  
  
Rating: PG13  
  
Summary: The love that consumes...  
  
Spoilers: "Hunter" and "The Return of the King"  
  
Warnings: Slash (E/L, A/L), Angst  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own the Lord of the Rings - the novels, movie, merchandise, characters, or plotline. In no way whatsoever am I profiting from this fictional piece - unless it's an ego boost from any comments you people deem worthy of sending my way.   
  
Author's Note: I know this last installment is long overdue, but my muse chose to run away some time ago and only recently, has chosen to return. I hope you enjoy this final piece in the "Of the Heart" trilogy.   
  
Agape  
  
*****  
  
"Love means never having to say you're sorry."   
  
- Erich Segal   
  
*****  
  
Moonlight softened the rough landscape that surrounded him at all sounds. Before him was the wilderness of an old battlefield and behind, the muted shout of the night watchman sounded within the city's stone walls. All was well.  
  
Yet, the mind of the lone elf was in silent turmoil. He seemed to be one with the shadows despite the moon-kissed vista. He saw none of the beauty. His blue eyes were glazed as his thoughts wandered on well-worn paths of his mind. In painful detail, he remembered the entrance of the elven folk into the city that day. Oddly, he felt only joy as he watched Aragorn greet his bethroted. True, it was a bittersweet one. He had loved the man in his own way. But, it was not the true love of tales - not like the love that shone in the couple's eyes when they met on the castle steps.  
  
That was love.  
  
The kind of love that brought you to great heights. Put you on the edge... Made you feel each emotion more... And tore at your heart with its perfection - or its destruction.  
  
He'd always wondered how the grief of a broken elf felt. When he'd seen the elf that followed the Evenstar, he knew. And now, with each beat in his chest, he thought he'd shatter. The anguish and the guilt ran through him like orc poison. What he'd shared with Aragorn was now so cheap compared to what it had seemed to be then. He'd broken no oath, yet he felt like he'd done so irredeemably.   
  
He was so lost in his own thoughts, that he did not sense the other approach. When a hand was laid on his arm, he instinctively flinched at the familiar touch. The newcomer sighed softly and moved away to stand beside him.  
  
"It's a beautiful night."  
  
He just nodded.  
  
"We would call this sort of night a night for lovers."  
  
"Yes. We would."  
  
"...I guess it's no use avoiding the issue." Another sigh. "So, I'll get to the point. I know what happened while you two were on the quest. I knew even before I arrived here."  
  
He stiffened.  
  
"Because of your Sight."  
  
"Yes."  
  
"...So what happens now?"  
  
"Nothing."  
  
His head snapped up in surprise and he turned to face the other.  
  
"You won't do anything? How can you not be angered when I - "  
  
"When you were there for him when I could not? You gave him the strength he needed to go on. I cannot hold that against either of you. ...Besides, I know were his heart lies." She smiled.  
  
"Yes," he agreed with a wan smile. "That was never really in question."  
  
"But, what of your heart, my friend?"  
  
At her soft query, his face paled and he turned away from her once more.  
  
"He still loves you. He always will - no matter what. ...It is not that you are afraid he won't forgive you, is it? You're afraid he will and you think yourself unworthy of it."  
  
"Because I am," he said flatly.  
  
"If you cannot forgive yourself... Then, no one can help you."  
  
"Indeed," he coldly stated.  
  
"...So, that's it? You will just walk away and hurt him as well as yourself?"  
  
"I will hurt him more if I stay."  
  
"And how is that when all he has ever wanted was for you to come back safe?"  
  
"And I have. He knows I live."  
  
"That isn't good enough."  
  
"Not everyone can live your fairytale, Princess," he could not help but snap.  
  
"Is that what you think?"   
  
She came closer and forced him to meet her eyes.  
  
"I will outlive the man I love. I will have to watch him die and wait for my own turn. But, you two...you will have forever. That is the true fairytale and I cannot just let you throw it away. ...Can you really be this selfish?"  
  
"I am throwing it away not for lack of love, but for too much of it."   
  
He had to close his eyes at the memory of the very words his lover spoke when they first parted that faithful day in Imladris. Not for the lack of love...  
  
"You really think he is better off without you... You are a fool."  
  
Legolas sensed more than heard her leave.  
  
"Yes," he whispered into the darkness. "A fool madly in love."  
  
He lightly stepped onto the battlements and looked down at the ground far below. It was a long way down. The wind rose and his steps were unsure. It would be so easy...  
  
A hand yanked him back and he fell not too gracefully into an iron grip. Dark eyes flashed at him with unconcealed anger and yet, he found that he could not look away.  
  
"Do you really think I would just let you leave?" The Elf-Lord said harshly.  
  
Legolas sighed and wearily rested his head on the other's chest. He could hear the heart within beating madly. It was oddly comforting how it matched the pace of his.  
  
"What is it?" Elrond asked in a softer tone. "What can I say to make you stay?"  
  
"Would you really want me to?"  
  
The prince looked up to meet storm-clouded eyes.  
  
"You were right you know." The dark eyes looked at him in confusion. "When you told me my heart was young...that I could not understand what true love was. You were right. ...Now, I have found out what it is. And it hurts me to think that I so carelessly returned what you offered."  
  
Somehow, Legolas got himself to pull away.  
  
"I hurt you once. I will not give myself the chance to do it again."  
  
"Then, you cannot leave me. I returned your heart..."  
  
Elrond laid his hand on the other's chest.  
  
"But, I never took back my own. It was always with you."  
  
Then, he leant down to capture the prince's lips with his.  
  
And Legolas could not find it in himself to resist. He heard his heart sing as he surrendered himself to the pure bliss of that perfect moment. When he was released, his face was flushed and his eyes shone. Yet, the Elf-Lord's own remained uncertain.  
  
"Now, have I convinced you to stay?" Even his voice shook.  
  
"How can I say no?" Legolas said softly. "And perhaps I was a fool. But, now I know. You were right again. No matter where I wander I will always return to you for no place can compare to where my heart truly lies." 


End file.
